You Can't Know
by Rally4ever
Summary: Post- Rose. Had to write it.  What Elena didn't say.
1. The burden of knowing

I don't own Vampire Diaries… or any affiliated characters I just needed desperately to respond to the episode "Rose."

* * *

You can't know…

I'm losing sleep.

You can't know...

I bathed with vervain…

I thought I lost my locket after all.

I didn't want any other vampires compelling me tonight after what I have been through.  
Elijah invaded my mind; I didn't want any other intrusion.

You can't know…

When I saw you sitting there, I didn't consider it an intrusion. When you walked towards me,  
kissed my forehead, I welcomed the invasion of space. I'd been waiting for it, for you.

You can't know…

when I looked down those stairs, and found you staring back at me… I wasn't just smiling because I knew I was alive somehow. I smiled because I saw you.  
I didn't know I would ever see your face again. And the thought terrified me more than the fight for my life.  
I wanted to run to you and let you hold me, show me I was okay and that you were real. I realized as I bounced down those stairs in that terrible house,  
in that moment I knew where I wanted to be.

You can't know…

That me feeling "safe," being with my family isn't the real reason I'm not with Stefan tonight, it's not why I am in my own bed alone. I know that I could be with him.

You can't know…

I am not sure I want to be. You tell me that you don't deserve me; that he does. But you have proven to me today, how much you deserve.

And it wasn't the first time you proved yourself. Deep down I trust you to be there for me, no matter what. You held your hand out and lead me to dance;  
you ran in front of a stake for me.

You can't know…

I see past all that bravado, that air you put off. You do it to push others away, to protect yourself.  
But when I look in your eyes; you can't hide the truth from me.

You Damon are good, better than you give yourself credit for. I wonder why you put yourself down.

You can't know…

I wanted nothing more than to stop those tears from forming in your beautiful blue eyes,  
when you thought you were making me forget.

You can't know…

I remember everything, every word. It replays in my mind over and over.

I wasn't sure you would ever tell me.

"I love you, Elena."

You actually said what I needed to hear.

I don't know why you love me.

Unitl I figure out how it's possible too feel so much for two people...

You can't know...

I love you too, Damon.


	2. The Sight

I don't own vampire diaries, I just own this story. It compelled me to write it.

nancyfangirl and Mandie- I am glad you both love it. Thank you for the reviews.

phoenixfemme- I am glad it kept you guessing and that you appreciated the echo. He is terribly self sacrificing right?  
Mr. "I don't deserve..." Thanks for all of your support it has meant a lot.

shalah- thanks for the review. But no it wouldn't hurt him not necessarily. I did think about the tea angle... but she was in her bathroom so to me it made more sense for her to have taken a bath. And it would have been just enough to keep her from being compelled, only a little maybe. And if you notice after Damon left she looked towards her bathroom like something might be in there. Vervain toothpaste doesn't really seem practical. So I was thinking of a perfume or bath solution. But perfume would leave a fragrance he might notice, whereas putting a little vervain in her bath might not leave as potent a smell. So I did give it some thought. I think keeping from being compelled is what Aunt Jenna's perfume was for... in water or spray form... it wouldn't necessarily hurt him. I think the main pain comes when vampires are in direct contact with the actual herb. Then they get skin burned or if they drink it their throat will constrict. But mainly perfumes or bath solution wouldn't have the same harmful effect, only the ability to prevent compulsion.

* * *

I'm hating school today.

I can't move without pain.

The effect of the warm vervain bath I took last night to soothe my aching muscles is wearing off, but Damon's words haven't.

I'm exhausted and confused; this is the last place I want to be right now.

I try to focus on Alaric's lesson, but my mind just isn't there his words sound distant.

I tell Stefan I'll see him later.

I manage to get through the day somehow…

"Elena" someone calls my name… Bonnie is looking at me…

That's right; she talked me into going to the Grill before heading home.

"Yeah Bonnie."

"What's with you? You've been in and out of it all day."

"I'm sorry. It's nothing. I just didn't sleep well last night."

"Of course Elena, you went through hell yesterday."

Bonnie reaches across the table in an attempt to comfort me; she grabs my hand.

A strange look comes over her face. I know she's seen something; I'm not sure what.

She opens her eyes shock etched all over her features, "He loves you."

"Bonnie…"

"Damon, he thought he made you forget but he didn't. You remember it all."

I sigh, "Yeah. I guess I can't keep anything from you Bon."

Bonnie says, "I can't believe I am saying this... I didn't think Damon was capable of loving anyone else but himself.  
But I can sense it; I know he was sincere. He didn't want to be selfish but if he didn't say it… He thought he would go crazy.  
He didn't want to be that unstable. He was afraid he lost you yesterday. He had to tell you somehow."

"I know."

"It's all you've been thinking about since he came to you. His words, his eyes… the tears in them have been haunting you."

I try to hold back my own tears, "I don't know what to do."

"Oh Elena…" Bonnie gets up and hugs me.

She looks at me, "You have feelings for him don't you."

She states it as a matter of fact, not a question.

"I… what makes you say that?"

"I just saw everything… when I hugged you. You thought it was over yesterday before they found you. You weren't sure you'd  
be coming back. But when Damon looked up to you after the fight, what you really wanted was to run to him. You were so  
happy to see him. You weren't thinking about Stefan then. You wanted Damon to hold you; you were grateful and wanted to  
thank him with more than mouthed words. You love him Elena."

"He can't know."

"And I won't tell him, but I think you should. He deserves to know; you deserve to say it."


End file.
